What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
