omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
