Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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