I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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