No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize