forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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