I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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