Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
