If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
