Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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