i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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