I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
