he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
