i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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