i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize