So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
