Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
