I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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