Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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