I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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