The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
