**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
