Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
