Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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