I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
