Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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