you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
