How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
