I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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