im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
