We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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