tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
