If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
