I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
