I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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