Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
