Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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