OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
