She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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