i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
