My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
