I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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