wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
