last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
