MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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