3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
