Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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