If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
