also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Two words: blizzard sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's even glitter on my cock...
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