he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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