Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
