she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
