Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
