Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
