I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
