He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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