You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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