Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize