I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
