So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
