Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
