Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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