he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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