i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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