What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
