i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
