We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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