I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found puke in my bra..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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