Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize