i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
