I faked an abortion last night.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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