the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
