I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
