Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
