I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
