Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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