i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
