Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
