Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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