im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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