At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
