have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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