He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
