Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
