brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
