can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
