You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
