So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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