My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
