hell yes lets make some ravioli
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
