Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
