Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
