ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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