but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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