i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
