Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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