why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
